I De-friended the Sun.

I’m a sun lovin, country souled, outdoors person and from the minute that I could walk, I think I preferred being out in the open rather than enclosed in the shadows of a house. Through the years, every chance I could, I’d spend my time outdoors, in the sun, soaking those rays right into my sun-craved soul. I loved it. I needed it. I adored it.

Back in my high school days, I used to drive back off the main roads to the overpass ponds to soak up those rays. The overpass ponds are ponds created from digging the dirt for the overpass, which creates a hole and then the natural springs fill them up with water. In Illinois they built a highway not far from us, so there was an overpass pond practically every mile or so which was in my outdoors playground. I’d get in my two-piece (there were no bikini’s back then), and my inner tube, a book,a transister radio, and baby oil-iodine mixture and I’d head for the overpass pond to pass my day away, my skin soaking in the rays getting that golden tan that we all felt made us look great.

Every summer, every vacation, every chance I could, I’d be out in the sun. Vacations to beaches, weekends on the lake, backyard pools, years of Arizona sun. I lazily watched and felt the sun bare greedily on my skin, oblivious to its hidden agenda.

So, imagine my anger, disappointment, shock, and fear at being diagnosed with melanoma, a direct breeder of cancer cells that feeds off the sun’s rays. My sun was now my enemy, my devil in the sky. I felt betrayed by a close friend.

So, I’m stomping my feet and proclaiming war on the sun. I have de-friended it and am blocking any future direct contact with it. I put on my war armour every time I go out in it. I cover my face with a hat. I wear long-sleeves. I slather myself with SPF 50 and I lay under an umbrella when sitting on the beach. I am at war and I will not be defeated.

I love my life too much to push the envelope. I love my family too much to take any chances. I read too many scary things after being diagnosed. Melanoma is like any other cancer. You can die from it. And that scares me to the death. It was a life-changing time for me – those morbid feelings that kept me up at night already thinking the worst. I hate it that I think that way and I hate it that anyone has to face those types of fears. And more than anything, I hate it that now my children have to worry about their own lives, because that question is always there. “Do you have any family history of cancer?” Now, regretfully, the answer will be “yes”, and that is the very last thing a mother wants to pass on to her beloved children…..

But, I’m not someone who wants to live their life with a cloud over their head, hiding indoors, or living in fear. So, I eventually will call a truce with the sun. And I may even befriend it again and go back to the beach. I will take my armor and I will be very careful. I will be more cautious, more aware, more respectful of it’s aggressive weapons. But, mostly, I will appreciate my life and all that I have. I will love every minute of the day. And I will unite with others that share my fears. We will link our arms together, with our various colors of ribbons and move our army towards winning the battle. I will share in the camaraderie of those who have that word “cancer” stuck in the foremost front of their mind every minute of the day. I will understand the fear of “what if”. I will hate the words “suspicious-looking” and I will go down on my knees and pray for everyone I know who is fighting it. That is my solemn promise.

It is my hope that someday the ribbons on this page will disappear one by one and that there won’t be a need for so many – that all kinds of cancer will be cured and that hated word out of our vocabulary.

Until then. Fight it. Respect it. Love your life. And believe in the power of unity as we bravely walk arm in arm with our brothers and sisters who share the fight. And in the midst of the fight, in the midst of our fears, in the midst of our unrelenting preoccupation with that horrible word, it is then that we must rely heavily on living a Moonflower Blooms type of life – “it’s the little things that make you happy”. Find your little things. Live, Breathe. Be Happy.

Simply yours,

K

Websites supporting the cause. Please share the message.

Be Brave – Fight Melanoma

American Cancer Society

Cure Melanoma